Learning

I purposely skipped a week because a lot of stuff has been happening.

Comfort is a funny thing. After writing my last post and the few days that followed I was in a pretty low place. Then...gringo's arrived. Comfort is funny because I went from a place of complete discomfort, to a place of familiarity simply because a couple of white people showed up from California. I found myself talking a lot and I realized how much I missed having those kinds of conversations. Conversations where I don't have to translate. Conversations where I don't need to find other words because I can't say in Spanish what I really want to say. Conversations where I can keep up with what the other person is saying.

We had a great weekend. We all went to a retreat center about an hour away from Quito and experienced some great moments. We had a little gathering Sat. night, had some worship and shared a few thoughts. It felt crazy because it was like a taste of home though I was on another continent. However, I was constantly reminded because there was a guy translating everything into Spanish. Towards the end of the night we had a Young Life style 15 min. of silence. Jono, the guy from California leading our time, read the passage where the Lord tells us to be still and know that He is God. I walked outside into the misty rain and into the garden. I found a spot under a small roof and meditated on this phrase. As always I was distracted, but this 'distraction' led into some conclusive thoughts. I've never experienced before what I'm experiencing now. During the talk earlier the message seemed to have an underlying tone of seeking the Lord. A feeling of, 'how can I experience God more,' with a sense of, 'because I'm not really content with what I have right now.' I don't feel that here. It seems like a foreign concept. I constantly feel uncomfortable, and I constantly feel God. I've never experienced that. Usually I would feel uncomfortable, then I would feel God and that would put everything in perspective thus destroying the discomfort. But here, I feel both. I came to the conclusion of what if God was in the uncomfort? In fact, to go further, what if God is the uncomfort. And in turn the answer is not to run away from that makes me feel different, but rather embrace it.

The California crew left the following Monday and I felt very sad. It wasn't because I had experienced this incredible friendship with these guys, but rather it was the re-submersion into the experience here. It was also the fact that my buddy the translator was leaving as well. It was both good and bad having him. It was great because for the first time I understood everything that was happening. As it turns out my roommates are very funny guys with funny stories. I've been missing out on those for the past 2 months. It also turns out that my roomates have very deep relationships with the Lord and quite a bit of wisdom. Also something else that I've been missing out on. And that's what brought the sadness. I compared my experience to a blind man that is being healed and learning to see. At first everything is blurry and he doesn't know what's going on, much like what it has been for me. But then as time wears on certain things begin to take shape and he starts to understand the world around him. It gets to a point that he thinks he has a decent grasp on what's happening, but then, BAM, for one sec. he can see everything, and he sees how far off he really is. That's me. When Sal (the translator) was here it was like my eyes were opened and I understood everything, but then it was a slap to the face because I realized how far off I was, and what I've been missing out on. The sadness was that my 'sight' went back to the way it was when he left.

However, it's important to have a positive outlook on things. The only thing to do is trust. I've always had to trust, and therein lies the strength. I rest heavily on the quote, 'that which you can't control is God's will.' I am in God's will. And, to leave tonight with another quote from my boy Oswald Chambers, 'God does not give overcoming life, He gives us life as we overcome. Thus, there can be no strength without the strain.'